


Day Out

by Shay_Nioum



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Logan Angst, Logan is sad, Multi, Takes place after SvS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-07 00:58:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20300827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shay_Nioum/pseuds/Shay_Nioum
Summary: After the events of SvS, Logan takes some time off for himself, a day out in the real world as fate would have it. All the while having to deal with his own thoughts on how the other sides see him.





	Day Out

_ ‘Well, maybe you shouldn’t have been impersonated. It’s your fault.’  _

The scritching of Logan’s pen against his paper increased, pressing even more roughly down leaving a messy trail of blotches as he did. He tried to not let the words eat at him, to bother him, and drive him mad with irritation but he couldn’t help for his mind to wander back to it. He couldn’t help but to mull over those words, to examine them as one would examine a lab sample in a scientific setting. Just what made Roman spout off those words that were so clearly designed to hurt him emotionally? Why hadn’t the others called him out on the pure unfairness of it? Nobody had blamed Patton when Deceit had impersonated him, so… why was he the exception in the formula? What made his case any different? 

He had a feeling that he already knew the answer. 

_ ‘Maybe you shouldn’t have been impersonated. It’s y-’ _

“What does that even mean?” Logan gave up on drawing the schedule for the next week, as he tossed his pen to the side as he rested his head in his hands with an exhausted sigh. It was the middle of the day, and he had yet to do anything meaningful, he was still in his pajamas for heaven's sake. What was wrong with him? “Clearly it wasn’t my fault… I…” He had been taking a mental health day, doing something other than the work he was constantly working on. He had been reading, why did that constitute as his fault? Why… why did that make Roman lash out with his words? 

Why? 

It was a question that ate at him and ate at him, no matter how he tried to turn his back to work. Whether he liked it or not, something was wrong. Roman was behaving hostilely towards him, and none of the others.. not even Thomas had attempted to put a stop to it like they did with Virgil. 

Why was he the exception? 

Logan chewed on the inside of his cheek, thinking and pondering those thoughts that soured in his gut like milk that was well past the selling date. It hurt him, he hated to admit it, but he had been noticing it more and more as time went on and as he spent more and more hours with the others when he could be spending them alone. They ignored him, oftentimes. They didn’t want to hear what he had to say, they acted as if they could get by without any logic guiding them whatsoever, and… there were the insults. Patton’s constant teasing of the word infinitesimal was just the bottom of the totem pole of insults, but it was still up there. Were they.. were they…

That sour pit grew and grew in Logan’s stomach as he sat up straight, dread forming a lump in his throat. A lump that soon turned to fiery spitball of anger as those thoughts circled his head again and again. 

“Fine,” Pushing himself away from his desk Logan summoned his clothes, tossing his tie to the side as he did. “I’m due for another mental health day since they interrupted the last one. I’m sure that they will deal just fine without me, just as they always have.” For a second his mind wandered over to the imagination, before he roughly shook his head as he slipped his t-shirt on that had bees stamped all over it. His appearance alone was so utterly different than how he normally dressed, that and the fact that he had traded his usual glasses for contacts said a lot about what he was planning to do. He didn’t want to spend his one day off there in the imagination, there were Roman could find him and deliver more insults than he had already dished out. “I deserve a nice day, a fun day.” He tried the words in his mouth, fun, fun…

Fun, a noun, meaning  enjoyment, amusement, or lighthearted pleasure. Fun most certainly wouldn’t be something where the other sides could find him, it would be… someplace that he could go on his own. 

Someplace like…

Rising up, Logan made sure to keep his footsteps as quiet as could be as he peered into the kitchen, watching as Thomas sang along to the entire album of Disney songs for the fifteenth time within the week. He was distracted as he stirred whatever it was in the pot, most likely mac and cheese with his back towards Logan. He hadn’t changed any since Logan had made up his mind, and he didn’t seem to be suffering any with Logan rising up in the real world when he hadn’t been called. He didn’t seem to be devolving in the way that he had when Virgil had ducked out, and Logan could still feel his connection to Thomas as strong as it ever was before. So if his hypothesis was correct, then… he could leave and not negatively damage Thomas in any way. Or at least, until Thomas noticed that he wasn’t rising up when he was being called. But he certainly wouldn’t be gone that long, just a few hours. 

So far so good.

Thomas didn’t even notice the door softly clicking shut behind Logan as he stepped away from his host’s house and into the real world. 

A rare kind of excitement buzzed to life inside of Logan as he took off down the sidewalk, the wind felt so real and so… refreshing against his skin and going through his hair. The sunlight that dappled the sidewalk in uneven splotches felt so warm against his back as he moved further and further away, he wasn’t just moving in a random direction though, he knew exactly where he was going as he got more and more into the main area of the city. He could see movies, go to art galleries, visit a zoo, or even just settle down for an actual meal. He could do anything, but… he wasn’t interested in any of that, not as he crossed the street his movements quick and full of purpose as a grin lit up his face. 

The sign for the aquarium stood boldly against the building that he was heading towards. 

Fun… a noun that meant enjoyment, amusement, or lighthearted pleasure. 

It took him no time at all to pay for his ticket and make his way inside, before he was making a bee-line for the jellyfish tank in the darkened part of the aquarium. The jellyfish had always been his favorite sea creatures, and his favorite part of whatever aquarium that Thomas happened to visit in his younger years. The way that their bodies lit up in the black light of their tanks, and just the peaceful way they happened to swim around had always filled him with a strange serenity. It was no different now, looking at him as an adult and knowing all the facts that he did now. He stood there, just gazing at them, knowing that even if he stood here for an hour he would have to hurry around and see the other creatures that the other sides had liked the best. He could just… stand here and look, and not have to worry about seeing everything. 

It felt like he had all the time in the world, even if that wasn’t really the case. 

* * *

Overall, Logan made sure to spend as much time as he could at each exhibit, soaking up all of the knowledge that he could with each animal that he got to see. In the end, he must have spent at least four hours just viewing everything. 

“I should probably head on back, there is no need to make the others worry over my absence.” He mumbled to himself, sitting in one of the metal chairs at the diner in the aquarium. 

Pulling up his phone though... he saw nothing. No texts and not a single missed call, nothing aside from the notification from his usual facts of the day apps he had downloaded. And honestly, he wasn’t sure whether to be disappointed, angry, or… just understanding. 

Just what had he expected? 

_‘It’s your fault.’_ Roman’s sharp voice cut into his head like a meat cleaver abruptly chopping down severing tendons and bones. _‘It’s your fault!’_ His voice hissed, turning more and more sour with each word that rang through Logan’s ears like Roman’s gavel on the judge’s desk. Each sentence ringing a finality of someone who was undoubtedly guilty, and they knew it too. It really was his fault, wasn’t it? _‘It. Is. Your. Fault!’_ The logical side’s eyes stung and burned as he sat there, hearing the words almost as if Roman was actually there. Ruining yet another mental health day, without him even being there to say something in person. 

A sharp tug pulled at Logan, right behind his navel urging him towards a direction that he already knew. 

He was being summoned. 

“You know what?” And just like that spite and sheer resentment flooded through the logical side, like water filling a bathtub and running over the edges. “I think I’ll go and treat myself to a movie and dinner as well.” They would be just fine without him, they had proved that well enough when they were dealing with Deceit hadn’t they? They didn’t need him, so who gave a damn if this was another benched trial for him? Just about every video had him benched in one way or another, unless it was the others talking about how he had messed up in one way or another. 

So ignoring the insistent tugging behind his belly button, Logan stood, and did something that he had never done before in his entire life. 

He ignored Thomas, and walked away. 

* * *

“Where have you been?!” 

This was the shrill words that Logan was greeted with as soon as he stepped back into the house gently shutting the door behind him. Standing before him was Patton, doing his best disappointed parental figure stance as he placed his fists on his hips, attempting to look imposing and overall furious. Unfortunately for Patton, it was Patton doing this, and Patton was about as imposing and intimidating as a cuttlefish that had just been poked. So… not at all. 

“We were looking everywhere for you!” Patton went on without waiting for Logan to answer, “You didn’t answer Thomas’ summon, or mine, Roman’s, or even Virgil’s. Not even Deceit knew where you were!” Logan highly doubted that, “Roman has been tearing apart the imagination looking for you, and Virgil… don’t even get me started on Virgil. We’ve been worried sick!” Patton’s cheeks had tinted pink from his talking, as his eyes looked Logan up and down, attempting to see if there was one hint of a scratch on Logan’s face, or maybe it was to see if his anger was warranted. In all honesty, Logan himself wasn’t sure if Patton’s anger was warranted at this point. He hadn’t left a note, but then again…

“I have a phone, we all do. You could have just called me.” Color rushed to Patton’s cheeks as Logan crossed his arms regarding him almost… coldly. 

Opening his mouth, Patton rushed to say something.. anything really, just to be interrupted with a loud pop as Roman rose up. 

If Logan had thought that Patton’s appearance was in any shape or form funny… then he was certain Roman’s was hilarious. Twigs, leaves, and mud stuck to Roman. The leaves and twigs sticking out of the creative side’s hair in random odd angles, while mud slicked the other side’s ordinarily white pristine suit. The patches and scrapes really tied the whole thing together in Logan’s opinion, that and the fact that Roman seemed to be missing a boot on top of it all. Hobbling around with one shoe on, and one incredibly messy sock that not even the best washing detergent could save. 

“You found him!” The sheer amount of relief in Roman’s voice figuratively kicked Logan in the chest, “Where in the name of Persephone was he?!” Once again, that ugly spite spilled into Logan’s chest, Roman had no right to sound so worried about him and his well being, let alone where he had been that day… none of them did. 

Patton opened his mouth, and before he could get so much as a word in Logan cut him off. “I was out.” The words rang coldly between them, more than cold actually, his tone sounded like he was talking to an enemy rather than a beloved friend that he had spent years of his life with. But then again… Roman had lost the right to be regarded like that when he chose to blame him for something as stupid as being impersonated by Deceit. They all lost that right when he found out just how much they hated him. He could see that his words wounded Roman, but a part of him… a sadistic part wanted to rub salt in the wound. “I wasn’t planning on coming back, but I realized that I forgot my bag.” 

It was a lie, he had always planned on coming back. 

Both Patton and Roman reared back as if Logan had outright slapped them. 

“You.. You don’t mean that…” Patton whispered, tears flooding his eyes as his fingers gripped his cat hoodie so tightly that his knuckles stood out against the fabric. “Do you?” 

For a moment the logical side didn’t have an answer to Patton’s question, but he didn’t need to, not as Roman stepped forward. His messed up appearance forgotten as the princely side’s face drained of all of its colors, before he gripped Logan’s shoulders tight. He looked gaunt, like he had just witnessed Logan die and come back to life right in front of his eyes in the span of just a few short seconds. He was shaking, shaking in a way that Logan had never seen before, for a moment he was worried, worried that Roman would topple over in a dead faint.

“Please,” Roman’s voice was hoarse, “You don’t mean that do you specs? Please?” The halls that had once been full of Patton’s loud worried voice, stood absolutely silent now. Logan hadn’t even been aware that Virgil had been listening in, not until he saw the anxious side’s head peering around the corner of the stairs, his eye shadow in rivers down his cheeks. 

He looked absolutely shell shocked, like someone had just sucker-punched him in the stomach and then kicked him for good measure. 

Roman’s hands cupped the logical side’s face, bringing his eyes to meet the creative side’s. To see the tears, the worry, and the terror that reflected in those warm brown eyes. “Please,” Roman asked again, his voice but a whisper. “Do you mean that?” 

A rough snort left Logan despite his best intentions, and the other sides’ faces all fell in unison. 

“Give me some credit Roman,” He bit the words out, tossing them with the intent to get his so-called feelings out once and for all. “I am perfectly capable to read the room enough to know when I am being pushed out.” Logan’s smile felt cold, distant, and so very fake. Despite the tears that were welling up in his own eyes, spilling over the edge and dripping down his face. At least… until Roman’s fingers shakily moved to brush the tears away, but even so, it didn’t stop more from coming. “And that’s fine if you don’t want me around. Because I won’t be, I am not going to light myself ablaze to give you the slightest bit of warmth when you don’t want it. Give me that at least, I know when I’m hated, and when I’m not.” 

His words had started out so strong, just as he had wanted them to, however by the end of it each syllable was drowning in his tears. 

The silence stretched between them all, a silence that not even the sharpest nice could cut. Had Logan been able to see, he would have seen that Patton’s face was drenched in tears, tears that he hid in the paws of his hoodie. While Virgil hugged himself, his eyeshadow more of a mess than it already was. While Roman… Roman didn’t need tears to express the amount of pain he was dealing with in that one moment, his face showed it plenty enough to be clear. All three of them were drowning in guilt for the various reasons towards Logan, for a reason that they hadn’t even been aware of until Logan’s feelings had exploded outwards wounding them all in various ways. They deserved it though, they deserved to feel every little bit that they had made Logan feel. 

“I…” Roman thickly swallowed as he leaned in, brushing away yet another stream of tears as Virgil moved forward wrapping his arms around Patton in a comforting manner. “I had no idea that we were all making you feel such a thing, and that.. that isn’t your fault. We should have known better, and I.. I am sorry. Sorry that I ever made you feel like you were hated in the first place, like you didn’t have a place with us. I’m so sorry.” He whispered, his head hanging in utter shame. 

“Me too,” Patton noisily sniffled, his tears fogging up his glasses before he tried to wipe it away with his wet fingers, only smudging them up more and more. “I’m.. I’m supposed to be the one who knows everything about this emotional stuff, but… but I just left you, I left you to suffer while I just tended to Virgil and Roman. I shouldn’t have. So, I’m sorry.” 

“Nobody likes to be insulted,” Virgil finally mumbled, his gaze fixed solidly to the floor so that he could avoid looking Logan in the eyes, “I know that better than anyone, and.. and I’ve just been a big jerk anytime that you’ve tried to help. A hypocrite too, so I’m..I’m…” Virgil’s lips twisted, as if the words that wanted to come out were trapped in between a rock and a hard place, refusing to come out. “I’m sorry!” He finally blurted out, snapping his head up to meet Logan’s gaze for a solid few seconds before dropping them back down to the floor. 

Logan was completely and utterly helpless against the tears that dripped down his face, he could only stare back at the sides that he’d assumed hated his very existence until a few moments ago. A pathetic whimper crawled its way up to his throat, only stopped by his hand as he clapped it over his mouth forcing the sound to go back down into the depths of himself. He was shaking now instead of Roman, shaking tremors rattling his very bones as the tears kept coming and coming with no end in sight. He just couldn’t stop shaking, at least… until he felt three pairs of arms wrapping around him, holding him tight in an igloo of warmth and comfort. He could feel Roman’s brushing away his tears, as Virgil rubbed his back, and Patton gingerly brushed his hair back out of his face. 

“It’s okay,” The creative side soothingly whispered, “If.. if you decide that you still want to leave us, it’s okay. We’re going to love you no matter what you choose to do, I promise.” 

And Logan, he couldn’t help but to weep harder at that his tremors getting harder, until he felt their arms around him once again. Warm, loving, and.. and everything that he had wanted. He didn’t want to go, he had never wanted to go, he had just wanted to.. to be loved and accepted by them, and now… he had that. 

Logan sniffled, not too unlike how Patton had a few moments ago. “I don’t want to go!” The words rushed out as he clung to the sides comforting him, clinging onto them as if they would turn to dust at any moment. He buried his face into Roman’s shoulder, feeling Patton’s fingers running through his hair. “I actually love you guys… like a lot. More than a lot.” He couldn’t see it, but he felt their own teary laughter as Roman’s chest rumbled with it, like a cat purring. 

“Then stay,” they whispered. 

And he did. 


End file.
